Building (Translucent) Wall

The older I get, the more I realize that I value respect over anything, especially love.

If the act of love causes me to lose myself, I would say that it's lust (ego and self-satisfaction) one wished to fulfil, which I won't subscribe to such ideology at all costs.

If 'emotional intelligence' includes invalidating one's emotions for the sake of 🌟peace🌟, isn't it such a pathetic world we're living in?

Is it possible to have tolerance and be a forgiver, and at the same time set a boundary?

I want to believe that it is possible, like what happened between Rasulullah SAW and Wahsyi.

Yet it is undeniably difficult.

But the good news is, Allah, counts every effort.

Okay! To have a clearer vision, let's put it into situations...

If I were 'emotionally intelligent' to the elderlies or anyone superior, with hopes that soon once I grow old, the youngsters would respect me with 'emotional intelligence' too, I guess this cycle won't have an ending. Well, the loop would always be there and won't change. I mean, let's put it that way since expectation kills ha? So, let's make🌟peace🌟 and expect less instead. 

Yet still, I want to grow old with a better understanding of what intelligence is all about. I want to believe that spreading a better point of view and changing the whatnots is part of social responsibility. And the act of treating people with patience should be done rightly, no one should agree to falsehood, especially regarding emotional and psychological bullying. Even worst, denying one's right to decide on one's life, which indeed, does not violate anyone in any way!

I believe that I deserve a better perspective. I still need the wall (i.e. respect). It looks great in my picture (of life)! But, what about keeping that wall tall but translucent? People would want it to be fully transparent (or no wall at all) and I want it to be fully opaque (yet invisible, to the level that no one cares). So, let's come to a mutual consensus. I'm a big fan of mutual points, where both parties win some and lose some! Fair innit?

Okay, it's getting exciting! I mean, I'm excited about this.

Here we go!

What if someone includes you in their lives, in the sense that you are acknowledged for things that a particular person is happy to share with you? I mean, love someone the way they would love to be loved (in my case, with respect and privacy), without invading your energy. Some people need someone to stay sane (?). Whilst in another hand, some other people may just need people to need them, but not include anyone in their personal plan. Simple because that's how they stay sane. To be by themselves.

Look...

If we were to mention it as 'what you give, you get back', it is very much transactional. When you are willing to love, you will be loved. Exactly! I completely agree. 

But... can we ponder for a second...

Do we define love in the same way?

For others, it might be I wanna tell everything, like... every single little thing. I wanna be with you most of the time. I want to share my stuff, my food, my bed, my money, take it all of me... loves all of you...

But for me, respect and understanding. That's it!

When I said, I want to be alone, I really want to be completely alone.

When I said no, means no.

When I'm comfortable sharing anything,  I confront it.

When I insist that I want to do things by myself, I mean I really really really love doing them by myself.

It's unfair for 'others' to assume that I wanted to be loved like how 'others' do.

I mean, I'm willing to love 'others' by listening and being there most of the time.

I'm more than loved to be allowed to love.

But, it's quite irritating to expect that love is reciprocal, literally.

'Cause it's not.

I'm not 'others'.

Duhh

I'm not sure what social media or 'emotional intelligence' has done, but it disrupts social settings on so many levels. Or culture starts first? Whatever~

It's not matters of 'who', but investigating the what and whatnots.

With the evolution of knowledge, we are better than this I believe.

But... here comes a point, being straightforward is impolite. 

So, let's become mind readers and sarcastic a* or depan lain belakang lain y'all!

When a woman says no, that means trying harder.

When a woman asks for an honest opinion, please do the opposite. 

When a woman rejects help, they actually wanted to be helped so much.

When a woman says they are okay, you better pay attention to either it's okayyyy, ok, or just K. 

Ofc I disagree with all the stereotypes. But I'm trying to put it into perspective, hoping it makes more sense since women are stigmatized as complicated. Duhh why am I explaining this? Well... Manipulators are everywhere y'all. Lain dicakap, lain ditafsir.

Then slowly, boundaries become jokes.

Silly things become serious.

Peace over truth.

Fame over quality.

Beauty over originality.

And yes... Let's break the wall

Break every wall

Like... who needs a wall tho?

Let's live free!

But always keep ourselves caged in the name of 'tradition' and 'normality'.

Cool innit?

Let's just forget every mistake.

Let's just pretend that everything is okay.

Fake it till you make it!

Hurt one another in silence and survive!
So we can all call each other survivors y'all~

Alah biasa tegal biasa..

Jangan biarkan nila setitik rosak susu sebelanga...

Well... Would you drink susu with nila? Even setitik?

Once nila in, it's in.

That person who put nila setitik should take responsibility.

I don't know... through distillation maybe?

When it happens one time, we can call it setitik.

When it becomes a pattern, we call it bertitik-titik.

Then what?

Nila sebelanga with susu setitik?

Nila is the new susu?

Duhh

After all, we are individuals. Allah created us with different personalities and potential. 

Different preferences.

Different experience.

Different tests.

Different depth and ability in processing the knowledge and experience.

Yet I want to believe, we all deserve to be respected, and learn to respect too!

I believe the ability to empathize comes with the ability to respect without having to know every single detail of every single thing.

Just bare in mind, everyone is struggling differently and they owe you no explanation for what's going on in their lives.

Assume less, communicate more.

Ask politely, yet be very okay with 'no, I'm not gonna tell'.

The philosophy of most folks I met in my life would be,

"What so wrong if people know?"

Whilst my philosophy,

"What so good if people know?" 

As long as we still fancy thank you, I'm sorry and please, we're good. No?

It trembles me when differences and expectations divide people in so many ways.

Saying no becomes a cardinal sin on some occasions.

Not being able to completely come clean and set a specific boundary would sometimes be labelled as 'problematic'.

Well... I would say that is unprincipled instead.

I wish not to care.

I do me anyways (such a rebellious ha?)

But, it's pathetic still.

Thus some parts of me can't help but care too.

We share the same air anyways.

To stay in that loop,

It can be a matter of perspective.

Probably it really is.

But, does it really.... just perspectives?

In the end, we are all human, We are not perfect. And we don't give our best all the time too. Even worst, at some points, our 'best' are not enough. We may love wrongly. We may love harshly. And we may reject love, which is good for us. Like truth and enlightenment, especially at the moment, we are enjoying the beauty of darkness and the sweetness of poison, thus making the light seen as a threat and truth is hard to be swallowed. That's why the wall is needed, to learn the boundary. To differentiate right and wrong.

Please, let's set up the wall again.

The wall of love.

Not attachment.

The wall of pure love.

Not over-love.

The wall of support, genuine support.

Not spoiled.

We need space.

As much as we are social creatures, we may afraid of losing people.

But you know what should be scared of more?

Losing ourselves.

We are human.

We make mistakes.

We need the wall.

To protect us from making more mistakes to one another.

Especially, silly mistakes.

Trust me, that translucent wall had saved me from much unnecessary drama, like how double masking and proper hygiene keep me safe from C19. Lahh analogy over analogy~

Well... I prefer to keep mine translucent and high. Yours might be transparent and low. Others might be opaque and moderate.

Can we just respect and never cross each other's walls, please?

All walls are beautiful anyways.

Without walls, what are homes made of?

💖

Ins

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