Another Step to Go

 I came across a few random quotes online that go by, “Adulting is postponing your emotions because you have deadlines to catch” I agree and this is relatable in so many ways. I didn’t believe in this back when I was younger. I mean, why must we suppress our emotions? Aren’t we allowed to feel, whereas Allah is the one who gives us the ni’mah of feeling? Is it even healthy to do so?  But it’s relatable. Sometimes, we have no choice but to suppress, for the benefit of many and protection for we may overreact when we are emotionally unstable. It’s true. Well... If that makes sense in that way, then the  hadith  relieves me knowing that Allah would reward me for holding on since it’s out of my control on so many levels. Thus I call it…. The art of holding on. To hold on to my faith but, respect others. To hold on to my belief but choose words and ways to express it. To hold on to my dreams without having to over-explain. To hold on to processes that have yet to progress...

I'm at a stage of re-treasuring myself. After the feeling of grasping feeling was left hanging for quite some time, I think I'm ready to let my heart feel again, as deep as she wants. And to let my brain think, as sharp as she could be. I mean.. It hurts to live in denial. It is hard to let things un pen, as much it's hard to pen it as well. But I've to choose my battle though. And I'm glad that God chose me for this. Alhamdulillah! They said, time and power change people. Well.. It could be true. Yet it's more powerful to believe, circumstances reveal who we really are. I can't help but admit, I work around better with men. As much as I don't like mingling around with men! Being a walking contradiction is not easy at all! Juggling between spiritual values and my intellectual needs is an everyday work to be honest.  Am I trying to change the whatnots?  Or am I... Just high maintenance and it takes me a lot to be content?  Just because I'm a hard feel...