Another Step to Go

In a world filled with so many voices, it seems like adapting is almost a necessity, a way to fit in and make our way through life. But sometimes, I wonder... why is adaptation so emphasized?  Why are those who don’t conform often labelled or... overlooked?  This brings to mind the philosophical debate between deontology and consequentialism. These two ethical theories seem to contradict each other in many ways, yet they also uniquely complement one another. It makes me reflect on two important questions: What is our intention? What are the consequences? I believe we all struggle with this on a subconscious level. We are constantly torn between choosing to be true to ourselves, to embrace who we truly are, and the desire to please others, to adapt and compromise. Both paths have their extremes, and sometimes they collide. Being yourself to the point where it hurts others. Pleasing others to the point where you harm yourself. As a Muslim, I can’t help but think back to the conc...

 I came across a few random quotes online that go by, “Adulting is postponing your emotions because you have deadlines to catch” I agree and this is relatable in so many ways. I didn’t believe in this back when I was younger. I mean, why must we suppress our emotions? Aren’t we allowed to feel, whereas Allah is the one who gives us the ni’mah of feeling? Is it even healthy to do so?  But it’s relatable. Sometimes, we have no choice but to suppress, for the benefit of many and protection for we may overreact when we are emotionally unstable. It’s true. Well... If that makes sense in that way, then the  hadith  relieves me knowing that Allah would reward me for holding on since it’s out of my control on so many levels. Thus I call it…. The art of holding on. To hold on to my faith but, respect others. To hold on to my belief but choose words and ways to express it. To hold on to my dreams without having to over-explain. To hold on to processes that have yet to progress...

I'm at a stage of re-treasuring myself. After the feeling of grasping feeling was left hanging for quite some time, I think I'm ready to let my heart feel again, as deep as she wants. And to let my brain think, as sharp as she could be. I mean.. It hurts to live in denial. It is hard to let things un pen, as much it's hard to pen it as well. But I've to choose my battle though. And I'm glad that God chose me for this. Alhamdulillah! They said, time and power change people. Well.. It could be true. Yet it's more powerful to believe, circumstances reveal who we really are. I can't help but admit, I work around better with men. As much as I don't like mingling around with men! Being a walking contradiction is not easy at all! Juggling between spiritual values and my intellectual needs is an everyday work to be honest.  Am I trying to change the whatnots?  Or am I... Just high maintenance and it takes me a lot to be content?  Just because I'm a hard feel...

I found this writing dusted in the draft. It was written back in 2019. Where's COVID was yet a thing. And just who and how am I today? I think I haven't penned down that much specifically on such simple yet meaningful events in life. Thus it's quite hard to recall that much. Probably this is a sign that I should get back into writing ha? May Allah count. *** It was a few days after Eid. I woke up at 0200 since I went to bed quite early that night. I was cleaning up my room at that moment. Putting things in their place, folding yesterday’s laundry, cleaning whatever mess I could see. Suddenly lights turned off. I tried to switch it on back but it did not work. Not the entire house was out of electricity since some lights were still working. I was in the dark for quite a moment and I eventually stopped doing my stuff. This then led me to wonder…. You know what… Alright! I rather keep it honest. I am dissatisfied with my own self. The last Ramadhan was not the best Ram...