Another Step to Go

I was (still am anyways) in the midst of the toughest phase of my life. I never failed this bad, I never drown this depth, I never numb this best. Everything was just all over the place, to the point that I never thought that I could bare such a feeling. Allahuakbar. I wished that I have words to explain. I wished that there were metaphors I can come out with, as how I always do. But this time around, I would say I'm dizzy. I'm confused. I have no words to describe what's going on. Or should I say, I'm somewhat giving up? I have no choice but to be doing so. Urgh! But I'm living. Still. Breathing and being able to feel the thin air. Alhamdulillah. I'm not a big fan of 'look at the bright side.' I wished babe! I wished! But looking at the smalllll view of that bright side does not make the dark side less horror. The tarantula is still there, the bushes are full of poison, and the cut and scars are still hurt. I'm still full of bruises. But... I guess ...

The older I get, the more I realize that I value respect over anything, especially love. If the act of love causes me to lose myself, I would say that it's lust (ego and self-satisfaction) one wished to fulfil, which I won't subscribe to such ideology at all costs. If 'emotional intelligence' includes invalidating one's emotions for the sake of 🌟peace🌟, isn't it such a pathetic world we're living in? Is it possible to have tolerance and be a forgiver, and at the same time set a boundary? I want to believe that it is possible, like what happened between Rasulullah SAW and Wahsyi. Yet it is undeniably difficult. But the good news is, Allah, counts every effort. Okay! To have a clearer vision, let's put it into situations... If I were 'emotionally intelligent' to the elderlies or anyone superior, with hopes that soon once I grow old, the youngsters would respect me with 'emotional intelligence' too, I guess this cycle won't have an ...