Another Step to Go

I watched a TV show that first aired 10 years ago. Bad news: I binge-watched whilst binge eating. Good news: I've built this habit of reflecting years ago, just to predict what could happen in the years ahead. Seriously, both are humbling. Those in the show who are good friends are no longer friends, and it's all over on the net. The business has ended. Some of them are wearing hijab; a few others are de-hijab. No judging right here #positivevibe, but... a lot of things could change in a month or a year, and of course, what more in 10 years! I mean, just because our lives are not on air doesn't mean we are stagnant, though. As much as theirs are staged (of course, everyone knows lol), ours aren't that 'organic' either. A lot of perspective could change. Some of those few we barely understood before are now brought to light. Or even taste? I didn't like tempe 10 years ago, but now? I ask for tempe if I ever see one! Thus, it's definitely unfair to judge (...

Dear strangers, I barely remember your faces, let alone your names. But I believe all those "I found it online" are a bunch of people behind the screen. Those who worked hard to sustain their livelihood. Or simply be kind-hearted and generous people who don't gatekeep good things, without expecting anything in return. Sometimes, you guys come in the form of 'influencers', trying too hard, some said. But to me, you (who I look up to) are trying to help and cherish yourselves whilst helping and cherishing others. Which is absolutely cool! You could be a mailman, with a long line of parcels. Yet still make time to politely text, just to ensure our stuff is safely delivered. You could be at the front desk as a receptionist, answering the 'obviously on the note' thingy. You could be doing all the good things, above the par of the bare minimum and not appreciated at all. Yet one unpurposed mistake may affect you horribly. You could be a cashier, for whom a piece...

I want to comprehend Effortlessly I want to explain With no doubt I want to be heard With the right frequency I want to be me And nothing less It takes me to lose Then it's out of my control If it hurts the rest Then it's on me to make peace with If this path leads me further Then I have to prepare to get farther If the unacceptance is the price of it Then I shall smile for I'm imperfect It hurts Indeed In a way that I have no words to explain Probably lost would be it For me to put on the first page And found To complete the chapter Then calm For my heart deserves it To self Shall I shout the silence And to God Shall I wrap the thanks With no doubt I'm leaving With absolutely no doubt I'm living Still Another Step to Go Ins 20250828

If I were to describe 2024 in a word, it would be metamorphosis:  the transformation process from an immature form to an adult form in two or more distinct stages. Quiet cliche. Or fair enough to say that it could happen over and over again. Thus how do the stages this year make a difference? Well... This time around, I forgot a lot of details. I kinda lose myself. I don't know who I am anymore. As much as I'm getting better too! I've gone through routes I've never passed before. I've chosen for myself at the moment I've no one to turn to specifically. I've met unfamiliar faces I've doubted to trust but I did it anyway. And I love the city. I admit that I'm giving bitchy city privileged girl vibe. Despite I hate to admit so since I'm not. The vibe is giving, but I'm not. Not coming from a city. Not a bitchy. Quiet humble, no? And money-wise, I'm not that priviledged. Meh~ So yeah... That makes so much difference with other Meta versions. ...

In a world filled with so many voices, it seems like adapting is almost a necessity, a way to fit in and make our way through life. But sometimes, I wonder... why is adaptation so emphasized?  Why are those who don’t conform often labelled or... overlooked?  This brings to mind the philosophical debate between deontology and consequentialism. These two ethical theories seem to contradict each other in many ways, yet they also uniquely complement one another. It makes me reflect on two important questions: What is our intention? What are the consequences? I believe we all struggle with this on a subconscious level. We are constantly torn between choosing to be true to ourselves, to embrace who we truly are, and the desire to please others, to adapt and compromise. Both paths have their extremes, and sometimes they collide. Being yourself to the point where it hurts others. Pleasing others to the point where you harm yourself. As a Muslim, I can’t help but think back to the conc...

 I came across a few random quotes online that go by, “Adulting is postponing your emotions because you have deadlines to catch” I agree and this is relatable in so many ways. I didn’t believe in this back when I was younger. I mean, why must we suppress our emotions? Aren’t we allowed to feel, whereas Allah is the one who gives us the ni’mah of feeling? Is it even healthy to do so?  But it’s relatable. Sometimes, we have no choice but to suppress, for the benefit of many and protection for we may overreact when we are emotionally unstable. It’s true. Well... If that makes sense in that way, then the  hadith  relieves me knowing that Allah would reward me for holding on since it’s out of my control on so many levels. Thus I call it…. The art of holding on. To hold on to my faith but, respect others. To hold on to my belief but choose words and ways to express it. To hold on to my dreams without having to over-explain. To hold on to processes that have yet to progress...