Another Side of Me

I'm at a stage of re-treasuring myself. After the feeling of grasping feeling was left hanging for quite some time, I think I'm ready to let my heart feel again, as deep as she wants. And to let my brain think, as sharp as she could be. I mean.. It hurts to live in denial. It is hard to let things un pen, as much it's hard to pen it as well. But I've to choose my battle though. And I'm glad that God chose me for this. Alhamdulillah!

They said, time and power change people. Well.. It could be true. Yet it's more powerful to believe, circumstances reveal who we really are.

I can't help but admit, I work around better with men. As much as I don't like mingling around with men! Being a walking contradiction is not easy at all! Juggling between spiritual values and my intellectual needs is an everyday work to be honest. 

Am I trying to change the whatnots? 
Or am I... Just high maintenance and it takes me a lot to be content? 

Just because I'm a hard feeler and deep thinker? 
And such a.... So-so doer? 

Hah! I'm laughing at myself. 

But another side of me is... I realize very well that whatever I feel or think or having to say or do is valid. Just that, how should I navigate?
Who should I turn to? 
Where is my safe space? 
Why am searching for this? 

Or... 

To be exact, 

What am I really looking for? 

I would say me! 
And myself!
And God of course! 

And nothing matter more than that. 

I've yet to find the answer..
Despite at times, I give up!
Though I know I shouldn't. 
I have to admit, I'm not that staunch. 
But I want to be staunch. 
Or they call it solid these days innit? 

Never mind. 

As long as I'm still on the path,
I'll be fine insyaAllah. 

I'll greet those along the way. 
And I'm ready to let God. 
'Cause that's the only way for me let it go.
Like... Completely let it go. 

Well... 
Those who are here now with me are unfamiliar faces. 
Some are newcomers. 
Others are those I once ditched. 
Yet they are still here!
Pathetic me! 
Waiting those whom I thought would be forever, yet they declared to be my own rivals.
It was once one sided. 
Thus I shouldn't wait no more.
But live. 


Another Step to Go
Ins
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