One breath at a time

It has been such a haywire year so far, yet the one that I treasured and appreciated most. Thank you, Allah! Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.

One of the things that I've learned best so far is the art of slowing down. ❤

I thought I'm slow enough.

Which I'm kinda am.

I'm left behind in life, in so many things 

Well... If life is a competition, I might probably be the last in the row.

But for those who know me well enough, kinda better than I know me at some points, I'm not as slow as I thought I am.

And legit, I don't like to be slow.

I wanna go fast pace, especially in tackling values, knowledge, and perspective.

There's some wisdom I would love to grasp now, not later.

There's some loop of uncertainties I get myself out of way earlier in life.

There are numbers of stupidity I took years to digest, and still find it stupid.

And there are tonnes of unfulfillment I've seen in the social construct, yet I've no power to do anything about it.

Pathetically, I have learned that I've no power over everything.

But living.

One breath, at a time.

I finally got to breathe a little bit deeper than usual.

I checked the drafts of my writing.

(I mean... Not even half of them haha)

I feel relieved, that I never gave up on what speaks most to me; thinking, reading, and writing.

Yet I feel sad too, 'cause what I have on the paper is too good to be true.

It might stay in my mind, but not in reality.

I tried to slow down.

Much slower, which hopes that it's lighter.

So that it's more doable.

I've lowered my expectations of others via my bonus concept that I've been holding on to for so so long.

If it's positive, alhamdulillah that worked out.

If it turns the other way around, alhamdulillah! There must be a surprise behind it!

Yet I forgot. I've been hard on myself.

If it's positive, it's normal.

If it's negative, I should blame myself.

I'm used to such a mindset, which I can't track from who or where or how come that encapsulate in my brain.

But it does not matter that much at this point.

I just want to live.

And to breathe.

And appreciate every breath that goes in, occupying my lungs and keeping me living.

That's enough for now.

This Ins needs to slow down, for now.

One thing at a time.

In whatever form I may be,

As long as I have the Hayy, all is khayr insyaAllah.

I'm afraid to go slow.

I do.

But I have to do what I'm scared most of.

And that's brave too.

Alhamdulillah Ya Rabb.

Thank you!

:)

 

Ins

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